Ask Kyle Today Update

I wanted to make a quick update that I am now canceling this blogs theme. I will no longer be doing this advice page as I am now working towards a new goal which is to end bullying. Below is the link to my new blog which has a blog about my experiences as a victim of bullying. Feel free to check it out. In the wake of what happened to Phoebe Prince, and my past experiences.. my mission is to end bullying for kids everywhere. It is a tough battle and I need your help. I may still use this site some but its purpose is done. However, I am helpful so if you need advice, send me a email.

http://lonewolf2007.blogspot.com/

Published in: on April 26, 2010 at 3:53 am  Leave a Comment  

To ask for advice.. and Stand Up 2 Cancer!


To ask a question leave a comment, or EMAIL me at ke296509@ohio.edu

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BTW if you want a female perspective please visit my friend Janna’s advice page!

Go to the page below!

http://jannalynnim.wordpress.com/

I hope my advice helps you out! I will never give advice that I myself would not take if I were in the situation in which you face. In the end, you really need to make the decision yourself. I do my best to give you advice to help you in the situations that you face but you need to weigh the pros and cons of the choice you have to make. I hope to be able to help everyone out and would appreciate feedback from those who I have given advice to. If you do not take my advice in the end, it will not hurt me as I expect everyone to make decisions to the best of their judgment.

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To the right of the web page you will see a link to Stand Up 2 Cancer… I encourage everyone to help out with the cause because I believe that if we unite we can defeat cancer. Click the box to your right! I have done it and they do not ask for money but even still it would be nice to donate. Simply click the box and you get to do a few things and that helps their cause get funded. Well worth it, so my advice, do it and help fight cancer.

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Happy Holidays and God Bless
-Kyle
Published in: on December 26, 2009 at 10:17 am  Leave a Comment  

Question #9 for Mike

Mike emails me:

hi kyle my name is mike and i was talking to janna  and she said you can help me in my situation,if you can i thank you lots because im very confused and don’t know what to do so here it is

“ok well i have known this girl for a while at least 7 months now,we’ve talked pretty much everyday and i’ve really gotten to known her and i’m starting to have big feelings for her. she was always telling me how much she loves me and always laughed at my jokes and what i said. but it turns out she doesn’t like me anymore…she did for a while and never told me? she told all her friends which i know very well but never occured to her to tell me? so i finally told her how i felt but i guess i was too late and now she just wants to be friends.i know she still has these feelings for me because when i see her at school she gets nervous,and when i ignore her she ignores me then i ask why and she says,”if your not guna try then neither am i”… why would she care if i try or not if she doesn’t like me anymore??
..i wrote her a poem and she said it was beautiful but she still wants to be friends….i talk to her friends and they tell me she isn’t talkin to anyone else like we were and doesnt like anyone else. i really miss our conversations and everything about her i just want her back. help me nd thankss

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Dear Mike,

I can totally relate to what you are going through. Girls can be really strange sometimes when it comes to relationships with us guys. Really, I don’t think we will ever be able to fully understand them. From what you write I have to be honest with you because it looks like she just likes you as her best guy friend. Trust me, a situation like this is often win less. I made the mistake of falling in love with my best friend and ended up wasting many years on her. I wasted so much time on her that I could have used for other relationships. There were times when I was actually making myself ill because of trying to win her heart and the countless failures. You did not say if you actually dated her, but if you did not then I believe you fell into the friend zone. She admitted to once liking you but girls can change so much in such short time. One minute they are totally head over in heels in love with us and the next they hate our guts, often for no reason at all. I think you should try what I did with my friend, yes I failed but I do not have live with the regret over not telling her how I really felt about her. Friend, you need to meet her alone. Make sure you and her have no interruptions and tell her how you really feel with about her. Are you in love with her? If so, you need to tell her. If she does reject you, you will know you put it all out there. To be honest, from what you write it seems like she just wants you as a friend. If that is the case, please don’t push her out of your life. I am so happy that my friend who I was in love with is still in my life 7 years later. Friendships like that are very rare, so even if she does not want to be your girlfriend, she could end up becoming a really good friend who you can count on. I hope you do win her heart, but it will not be easy. Let her know exactly how you feel about her and be totally honest and upfront. Do not take the chance of waiting until she gets a boyfriend. Best of luck to you and I hope you enjoy the holidays!

-Kyle

Published in: on December 26, 2009 at 6:28 am  Leave a Comment  

Question #8 for Struggling Senior

Struggling Senior emails me:

Dear Kyle,
I ran across your blog the other day and Im in desperate need of advice.It’s my last year in high school and I want to make it the best. Party all year, meet a lot of new people and just have the time of my life. But here is the problem I feel so lonley like I dont have any “real” friends. Just every one is fake, I mean yeah I know its highschool 99.99% percent of teen girls are fake. But I can honestly say Ive always been real and down to earth and nice but for some reason im struggling. I see girls always with their little crew or like a best friend and I just dont have that. Id do anything for the best friend I can tell anything too. I mean I have a group of people I hang out with at school but out of school I almost never hang out with them and I always tell them to hit me up and they never do. I just feel so lonley. I could be going out like every day through the whole night but I just dont have the friends to. I really want a lot of friends but for some reason I dont. I dont know what it is because Ive always been told that Im hella funny and down to earth and just hella chill. Yet I dont have many people to hang out with and I always have to hit people up. Also for some reason I feel a lot more comfortable around guys and I just love to hang out with guys. When Im not a tomboy or anything, I just feel more comforatble and get a long with them better. My mom says its because all my cousins my age are guys. But I really dont think this has to do with anything. Anyways,  how could I get people to want to hang out with me, how can I make this the best year of my highschool years? By the way I want to send this message Janna too , so I can get a guy’s and girl’s point of view.
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Dear Struggling Senior,
I know what you feel about being lonely during high school. I did not have many friends but I did have a few great/best friends to help me enjoy my time at school. If you really want to make some good friends I highly recommend doing sports or joining clubs if your school offers them. I did cross-country in high school and made a few good friendships out of it. Now I know some people are not gifted athletically but that should not stop someone from trying to enjoy themselves. I usually finished close to last in cross-country but I enjoyed the friendships I made with people from my school as well as other schools. I am not sure if your religious but if you are, church is a good way to build some good friendships. I used to go to church and made a few decent friendships that way. School clubs are always a good bet if you do something you enjoy. For example, if you enjoy politics try out Student Government. The key is to do something you like because you will be with people who have the same interest as you do and that will help build friendships because you and the other people would have something in common. Now, making new friends as a senior is a little difficult because everyone is in their own cliques that late in their high school career. There is nothing wrong with having a lot of guy friends, most of mine in high school were females. Since you are a senior there is no reason to try and change who you are or your style. I would not recommend that ever. You need to be yourself! If you like hanging out with guys, keep at it. I am sure that during lunch there will be several options for you. Sit with the football players, or even sit with the loners in high school. It would brighten some of those kids days just to have someone take an interest in them. This is stupid but a big thing in school is popularity, and people will not associate with those kids because it makes them look bad. I had a few friends who were loners in high school and once you get to know them they can be really nice caring people. You say your not fake, so I take it popularity is not something you worry about which is great. All I can really say is that if you do not take it upon yourself to approach new people and talk to them or join clubs/sports then your chances of making new friends are nearly impossible. I wish you the best and I hope Janna can offer you more on this. Merry Christmas and thanks for emailing me.
-Kyle
Published in: on December 25, 2009 at 10:30 pm  Leave a Comment  

Question #7 for Mr S

Mr S emails me: Hey, I heard you were really good at giving advice from Janna and I wanted to ask you if I should break up with my girlfriend or not. Her name’s E.
Me and her have some history together so yeah.
I’ve known her since the beginning of 7th grade which was last school year and I started to really talk to her like in May. I liked her but since I’m shy I didn’t ask her out and I told one of my friends(EM) and she told the girl I liked(E). And I also didn’t ask her out because I didn’t think she liked me anyways. I also did like this one other girl(I) but not nearly as much as I liked E. But I knew (I) liked me so I went out with her. And it turned out that E did like me. And it seemed like she was my girlfriend instead of (I).. And also she acted happy for me when she found out I was going out with (I). But then I broke up with (I) for E. But she was going to Mexico and we talked about us and she said we’ll talk about it more when she came back from Mexico. So when she came back we started talking again on myspace and she told me that she got a boyfriend over there and that she was sorry. And that kinda broke my heart. And she told  me that her excuse was that I broke her heart when I went out with (I) and that she was sad and lonely and it just happened. So I made myself not like her anymore but then we went to the fair together with friends and me and her started liking each other again. So then we went out but we broke up about a month later. But it was sorta my fault because I was really shy and I am a little unexperienced relationshipwise and she isn’t. So it took me a while just to her hand and longer to kiss her and I only kissed her that one time and also we barely had anything to talk about. So then she broke up with me and even worse she broke up with me through myspace..And that broke my heart again and even worse. We started talking again after a week or so and it was pretty hard for me just to even say hi ’cause I was so hurt. But then recently we started to like each other again so we went out. This occured on December 10 and it sorta felt like destiny I guess you could say because the last time I asked her out, we went out October 10 and they day was on a Thursday too. And she said yes but asked me to go faster. And I have. The first day I just hugged her and put my arm around her the whole time I was with her. and then the next day I held her hand and kissed her. then next day i didn’t kiss her but then after i kissed her twice. And now I don’t really have a problem kissing her anymore because I am used to it..and not nervouse about it. But she went to Mexico again with her family. And I think she might hook up with that boy she met over there again. But her friend told me that she sent her a text saying that my lips were soft and that she misses me. And also, I am afraid of getting my heart broken a third time. So should I stay with her.?
Thanks IN advance.
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Dear Mr S.
I hate to say this but it sounds like from what you described that this girl is trying to make you do things that you are not comfortable with. Honestly, I believe she is using you and trying to turn you into something you do not want to be. If she broke up with you because you were not experienced “relationship” wise then that was totally not fair to you. That is not your fault at all, and it is very rude on her part for doing that. You are still very young and there are so many people out there. No relationship in middle school or high school seems to last long these days. You said you and her have dated on and off for three times and that seems like something just is not clicking between you too. In the end the choice is yours and you should think about this deeply before making the decision, but if I were in your shoes I would dump her. She has broken your heart many times, and I think she will end up doing it again to you and that is not fair to you. Who knows, maybe in a few months she will grow up some and you guys might work out. However, I feel like you need to get away from her because she is just going to hurt you again. You need to be honest when breaking up with her and try not to say anything hurtful or anything that you will regret. I was in a relationship kind of like yours when I was young and I was totally rude and said some of the meanest things when I broke up with my ex. To this day I still regret that even though it happened when I was 15. Me and her still talk every once in a while but I ruined any chance at us staying good friends. If you want to remain friends with this girl, let her know that and try to be up front and polite with your words. Again, the final decision is yours and you need to think this through. I wish you the best of luck in whatever decision you end up making. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you and your family.
-Kyle

Published in: on December 24, 2009 at 7:56 am  Leave a Comment  

Question #6 for Going Crazy

Going Crazy writes: hey kyle.. well heres the problem… i have been with my bf for almost a year we have a few lil issues then one major issue his father… he is 20 years old his father wont let him work, wont let him see me, his father hates me and thinks im a gold digger even tho he has no money.. or that im just looking for a baby daddy which if that was the case i would have just stayed with the father… i have tried to make peace with his father to the point i have cooked for him… i told my bf to move out and i would find somewhere for him to go but he is worried his family would disown him i hate this situation but nothing is getting better all it is getting worse and honestly i dont know what to do can u help…

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Dear Going Crazy,

Your boyfriend is 20 years old and is at the point in his life where he needs to take responsibility for his own actions. You obviously like him since you have went to extreme lengths to impress his father. However, there is honestly nothing you can really do here. Your boyfriend needs to step up to the plate and get a job. I understand him not wanting to move out right now if he is jobless. I am 21 and in college and would love to move out on my own but I don’t have the financial resources to do that at this time. If he were to get a job, he could save up money to move out of his parents house. His family seems over protective of him and probably is afraid you will hurt him somehow. I understand that this is a touch situation but sometimes the situation is beyond our control. He is the one who needs to make the choice to become an adult. The only thing you can really do is be there and support him. If he won’t try to get a job and continues to blame the father, chances are he just does not want to grow up right now. I know that may sound harsh but there comes a point in everyone’s life where they need to take responsibility and control of their own destiny in life. He has to learn to stand up for himself, and politely explain to his father that he wants to become a productive member of society. In closing, the decision is up to him. Let him know that you will support him and stand by his side as he stands up to his father. If he were 16 or 17 I could see him not wanting to fight with his dad but he is 20 now and it is time for him to grow up. I hope things work out for the best for you and him but you have to know that there is little that you can do during this struggle he is facing. Just be supportive, and I am sure he will appreciate that. Thanks for stepping by this web page and I hope I have somehow helped you out.

-Kyle

Published in: on December 24, 2009 at 12:22 am  Leave a Comment  

Question #5 for Mandyloo

Mandyloo writes: Hey Kyle. So I was seeing this guy, and after a few dates he asked me If I would be his girlfriend. I said yes, but after that, he stopped texting as much and stopped calling. We went to an amusement park together, and the whole time he stayed on his phone and ignored me. I teasingly asked him how many other girlfriends he had, and he answered “just a few,” but then started backpeddling. He keeps saying he wants to see me, but never makes time for me, and everytime we have a date, he blows me off to go hang out with his friends. If I ever ask him about what he thinks of me, he says he likes me a lot and misses me, and if I ever hang out with a guy friend he acts super jealous. To me it sounds like he is just a player, trying to get as many girls as he can. Should I just dump him and move on?

Dear Mandyloo

Honestly to me it sounds like this guy is a total player. However, I could be wrong in my judgment of him. You need to confront him and mention everything that you said to me, to him. Let him know that you do not believe he is being fair to you and that if he can not make time for you in his life then you are going to walk. You deserve someone who will give you their attention and not brush you off so much. Everything that you have written me sounds like you pretty much know that he is playing you. Like I said, if you want it to work then you need to confront him and put it all out there. Who knows, he might not think he is a bad boyfriend and that he is hurting you. I don’t think you should just dump him without having the talk. Being open is very important to a relationship so you need to be open with him. I do not know this guy so I would not know how he will react to you saying to him what you need to say. Also, when you said he gets jealous when you are around other guys, that makes him sound controlling which is not good at all.  You two need to have your talk and then take it from there. To be honest, I think it is time for you to move on because it does not seem like he really cares much about you and he is like you mentioned, being a player. Hopefully I am wrong and the talk you two need to have will show him that he is going to lose you if he does not change his ways. I hope everything turns out good for you in the end. Thanks for stopping by this web page, and feel free to come back if you have other questions.

-Kyle

Published in: on December 23, 2009 at 7:36 pm  Comments (2)  

Question #4 for Jess

Jess writes: Hi! Awesome site. You have great ideas.

So……this guy had a crush on me all through high school. I always kind of liked him but never acted on it. Now we have been talkin a lot and hangin out and stuff……doin stuff that people do when they;re dating. I keep trying to hint that I want more but he keeps pretty much sayin that he doesnt wanna be nothing more then friends. But then he acts he likes me again. What do i do? I really like him.
Help me KYLE!

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Dear Jess,

I believe that your friend is confused about how he truly feels about you. I have been down the road where one minute I liked someone and the next day I was not sure.  I honestly believe that your friend is afraid of commitment and does not want to risk your friendship by dating you. It is often noted that when friends date, the breakup will destroy the friendship. I am not saying you guys would break up but most guys are afraid of committing to someone with whom they have been longtime friends with. I think he fears that dating you might destroy the friendship should you guys break up. If he says he does not want to be more then just friends, try asking him why. Maybe he is afraid like I stated. If so, reassure him that if it does not work out, you still want to be best buds with him. You did mention that he had a crush on you all though high school but you never acted on it. This might have hurt him because he might have thought that he was not good enough for you. There is a chance that the crush he once had on you is gone and that he has moved on. Honestly, I think you should approach him and confess your true feelings about him. Leave nothing off the table because you might just have one last shot at it. Some guys are shy and are scared to death to make the move, so I think you have to make that move. Tell him everything, and then go from there. I must warn you that if he rejects you that your friendship might become awkward so you have to let him know that no matter what, you want to be friends. You have to go for it, because if you do not you might regret not taking the chance. If you don’t then you will always wish you had and even if things don’t work you will feel a little better getting it off your chest. I really hope things work out for you. Hopefully he feels the same towards you but was afraid of making the move. Best of luck to you and thanks for coming to this page.

-Kyle

Published in: on December 23, 2009 at 4:24 am  Leave a Comment  

Question #3 for Sofakingcool

Sofakingcool writes:

KYLE!

Im a huge fan of your answers… Mystery Google led me to you and i am so glad it did… :( )… but I have a problem now… and figured you could help me out… Well I started going to church a long time back but just recently changed churches and really no one in the church talked to me much but then one day a lady started talking to me… shes 43… im 22… but she told me the other night that she has fallen in love with me…. and shes single but she has 2 kids… but i dont feel that way with her… but i dont want to change churches because of 1 person, I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO KYLE! PLEASE HELP ME!!! :(

love

sofakingcool

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Dear Sofakingcool,

You should never change churches because of one person. I believe that it would be in your best interest to tell your friend how you truly feel about her. When doing this, try to be as nice as possible so you don’t hurt her feelings. Let her know that you really appreciate her friendship and want to continue being friends with her. The friendship is definitely going to be awkward for awhile after this. I have reason to believe that this woman might be very lonely and wanting someone to help her raise her kids. There is nothing wrong with that. However, let her know that you only like her as a friend. Please do not say anything which might lead her to believe that down the road she might have a chance with you. Be as honest as possible without trying to hurt her feelings. She will be hurt because no one likes rejection, but let her know that you want to be her friends, but that is it. Refrain from saying things like “I just don’t want a girlfriend right now” or “Right now I just want to be friends”. Statements like that will make her think that down the road she has a chance with you and that is not to you or her. Telling her the truth will be extremely hard but it is what needs to be done. In the end, you will not be making her happy, but it is best that she knows the truth because that will give her time to get over the hurt. I wish you the very best in this situation and I hope I have helped you somehow. Thanks for stopping by this page and feel free to ask more questions if you have them.

-Kyle

Published in: on December 22, 2009 at 7:32 pm  Leave a Comment  

Question #2 for Confused

Confused writes: “hey well i have been in a relationship with someone for over 9 months and i just dont know how to tell him that i dont think i love him the way i should.. because i started having feelings for a friend.. but should i just give up on what i have or should i just keep doing this… just so confused…”

Dear Confused,

This is a tough situation for you and I believe whatever choice you end up making will result in some negative emotions for you. You have been in an relationship for almost a year and any change now will be difficult. You have to be honest with the one your with now. You need to tell him/her how you feel right now. This will be very hard for the both of you, but in the end it will be for the best. You need to explain to the one your with that you don’t think that things are meant to be. If you stay in the relationship with the one you are with now and have feelings for your friend it will be difficult if not impossible for your current relationship to grow. Before you make the decision to end the relationship you need to ask yourself if your friend feels the same way towards you. It would be devastating for you to leave the one your with to pursue someone who had no interest in you. I think you should make sure the friend you like, also likes you the same way. Make this known first, and if your friend does indeed like you then you can start a relationship with them. Let the one your with now know why you need to make this change. I believe that honesty is one of the major keys of any relationship working out. Now you might think that you could talk to your friend behind your boyfriend/girlfriends back and no one would no. Well that might work out but if your in high school chances are that someone would start rumors about you and your friend and that would cause more pain for your current boyfriend/girlfriend. Best of luck to you and I hope everything works out for you. You must follow your heart! That is key to finding happiness in this life.

-Kyle

Published in: on December 22, 2009 at 6:31 am  Leave a Comment